Exiled
by MKRG
Summary: Mitchell gets sick of Daniel and Vala and kicks them out of the SGC. He gets more than he asked for in return. DV CC


You could hear them arguing from down the hall. It was a familiar and almost routine sound among the corridors of the SGC. The veteran personnel simply shut their doors if the noise disturbed them. In some cases, they listened in to throw a little splash of drama on otherwise monotonous days. Only the young airmen were still flabbergasted by their constant bickering. For untrained ears, it could be disturbing, especially if you haven't worked at the SGC long enough to understand the strange relationship they share. What's more, General Landry hadn't done a thing about it.

The more curious personnel perked their ears toward the sound. They were moving closer to his office… their office. This fight wasn't particularly vicious today. One could tell the rise and fall of their voices was not as severe. Regardless, the sudden lack of productivity by his colleagues alerted Colonel Mitchell that he would soon have to intervene. He excused himself from Dr. Lee's lab and made his way over to the arena that Daniel called his office… their office.

He wasn't surprised by what he found upon arrival. While trying to maintain the attention Daniel was desperately trying to direct somewhere else, Vala snatched an artifact off of his desk. She held it behind her while her mouth continued to list reasons why he should let her use his credit card, or something. Mitchell didn't much care what the fight was about.

Meanwhile Daniel was attempting to reach behind Vala to grab the object. She merely extended her arms beyond his reach, knowing he wouldn't dare touch her just to get it back. To ensure that she remain in possession of said artifact, Vala ducked underneath his arms and to the other side of the desk. Daniel didn't notice that Mitchell casually made his way into the heart of their office, too distracted with chasing her.

"Hey guys," Mitchell intoned.

Both turned their heads toward him in surprise. Daniel recovered more quickly and grabbed the artifact out of her unsuspecting hands. He raised it high above them both, and pointed at her with his other hand. "Ha!" Vala stomped a little then proceeded to reach for the object.

It was so childishly ridiculous that Mitchell would have laughed if these weren't two grown adults in front of him. He could only sigh. They were driving him nuts. "That's it!" he yelled. The sound of genuine frustration made Daniel and Vala stop. They were nose to nose and glaring, arms raised in the air reaching for an artifact that had nothing to do with their argument. "You two are _so_ not going on the next mission."

At this point their frustration was suddenly directed towards the Colonel. "What!?" they exclaimed. Daniel began to argue about the necessity of having an archaeologist on the next planet, while Vala began a tirade about how she is not allowed to be excluded from group activities anymore. Mitchell closed his eyes and made an executive decision. He was sure Landry would back him up. He had to. His sanity depended on it.

"Nope nope. I don't want to hear any more of it from either of you. You're banned. Exiled. Both of you. In fact, you need to go on a mandatory leave of absence before I zat the both of you and confine you to quarters."

Momentarily speechless, Daniel and Vala glanced at each other. Taking a breath, Daniel started, "Why don't we compromise?"

"Yes," Vala chimed in, "leave Daniel here and _I'll_ go with you to P7X-H-whatever. Surely you need me to tell you if anything we find is worth…"

"Uh, no." Daniel stepped forward. "Leave _Vala_ here and I'll get the work done that…"

"No," Mitchell said simply.

By the way his eyebrow was beginning to twitch, Daniel could tell his team leader was serious. "Oh."

000

"I still don't understand why you're making me go with him!" Vala complained.

Mitchell threw her duffle bag into the back seat of Daniel's truck. "Because, Princess, you two need to work out your issues on your own time. I am officially giving you that time. And you are most certainly not doing it _here_. You don't want to be left behind? Well, here ya go, Vala. I'm kicking you both off the base and you can't come back til you've made nice and learned to get along." He stuffed her into the passenger seat and shut the door.

Daniel hesitantly stood near the driver's side door. When Mitchell came around to his side, he, too, was pushed into the truck and told not to come back. Perplexed but aware enough not to cross his CO, Daniel turned on the truck and drove off.

Five minutes into the commute to his house, Daniel grumbled, "This is all your fault."

Through gritted teeth, Vala replied, "If you had simply agreed to let me use your credit card…"

"Vala! I am not supplying you clothes for a date! And who the hell is this Lt. Reed anyway?"

"Well, maybe if you paid more attention to the people you work with, you'd finally learn someone's name!"

"I have been working at the SGC for 10 years Vala! I've known way more people there than you!" The argument continued all the way to Daniel's home. It ended in a stalemate with both parties steaming.

When he pulled the truck into his driveway and parked, he got out immediately. He grabbed Vala's duffle bag out of the back and stormed into the house. Vala protested but was ignored. She ran in after him. She followed him to a guest room where Daniel unceremoniously dumped her bag. When he turned around, she was suddenly right there. She swatted at him and he swatted back. He exited the room to leave Vala in a plain bedroom.

She growled in frustration and threw her hands up into the air. Eventually, she plopped down onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

000

It felt like hours later when Vala chose to rummage through her things. In her haste, she didn't pay much attention to what she had packed. Mitchell's threat of zatting her was more believable with his eye twitching in that creepy way. She pulled out a pair of sweat pants and set them on the bed among the other mismatched clothes she had stuffed. The next item was a pink nightie with black lace. Vala held it up and pondered. She wondered if she'd ever be able to show this number off and for who.

Daniel found her this way, head tilted to the side and staring at a skimpy piece of lingerie. He coughed to get her attention. Vala jumped a little in surprise. She stuck her tongue out at him and Daniel rolled his eyes in response. "I'm gonna order food. What do you want?"

Vala spied the menu in his hands and reached out for it. Handing it to her, he eyed the clothes strewn all over the bed. "You trying to decide what to wear?"

"No," she suppressed the urge to call him a name, "I'm simply sorting through what I have. I didn't exactly have time to think it through with Mitchell breathing down my neck while I packed."

"Yeah. Well, what do you want?"

"This, this, that, oh, and that."

Heeding his team leader's words, Daniel chose not to complain about her insatiable appetite eating up his cash. That would just lead to another argument about his money, which Vala insisted was hers to spend. "Fine. There's a movie on TV. We can watch that while we eat. In _silence_."

"Fine."

Later the coffee table in Daniel's living room was littered with take-out boxes. Daniel reached for the volume control as Vala slurped the last of her Thai Tea out of the plastic straw. Daniel elbowed her. "What!?"

"Could you drink any louder?"

"Well I can't drink any softer."

"Sure you can. Just stop drinking."

"Would you have me die of dehydration?" she said indignantly.

"If it means you'll shut up…" She smacked him in the arm. He pushed her back and then returned his attention to the action movie on the TV. On the screen, a car collided with a helicopter, causing a rather large explosion.

000

A car alarm blared outside. Vala jolted awake and jumped back when she saw Daniel's face inches from hers. They had fallen asleep on the couch. Neither had really moved much because they were still next to each other. The TV was now playing some innocuous infomercial about cleaning products.

The alarm had woken Daniel, too. When he opened his eyes, Vala was staring at him. "Gah!" He sucked in a breath while he regained his bearings.

"What's that?" she whispered.

"Just a car alarm," he replied, voice still heavy with sleep. He rubbed his neck and got up to look out the window. The alarm stopped. "The neighbor got it." Daniel reached out his hand to Vala. "Come on, time for bed."

She grabbed on and let him lead her down the hall. He pushed open the guest room door as he passed, expecting Vala to go in on her own. He didn't bother to say anything as he ventured into his own bedroom. When he fell face first onto the bed, he felt a weight rock the bed beside him. "Excuse you, but this is my bed."

"Your bed looks more comfortable."

"Vala, go away," Daniel said through the pillow.

"Oh what are you afraid of? I'm not asking to sleep with you… well, in a manner of speaking I am… but it's nothing you need to worry about."

"Whatever." Daniel groaned as he got up and left the room. Vala smirked in sleepy triumph and wrapped herself in his comfy blankets.

Minutes later, she felt a weight rock the bed beside her. Snuggled deep into the blankets, her muffled voice said, "I thought you were going to sleep in the other room."

"You're right. My bed is more comfortable." Vala chuckled and went to sleep.

The next time they woke up, it was simply because the light of morning sun was streaming in through the windows. The room was bright, too bright, to allow any more sleep. They silently opened their eyes, not yet ready to move. Because of their proximity to each other, both knew that the other was awake.

Vala rolled over first and stretched. She turned toward Daniel, who was staring peacefully at the ceiling. "So what do you want to do on our first day of exile?"

"I brought work home. I'm going to work."

"Ohhh," she groaned. "You're no fun."

"Work is fun."

Vala huffed. After a brief moment of silence, she asked, "There's only one bathroom in this place, right?"

"Yeah," Daniel replied, not realizing the implication of her words. Vala jumped out of the bed. "Crap." He chased her all the way to the bathroom door and got there just in time to have it slam in his face. Inside he heard Vala giggle. He banged on the door. "You better not take too long!"

"Whatever, Daniel," he heard her say through the door.

000

"Please!" she whined.

"Not now," Daniel said through gritted teeth. He attempted, unsuccessfully, to return his attention to the translation in front of him on the dinner table. Vala was leaning over him, inches away from the side of his face. He was desperate to ignore her.

"But I'm so bored. I know! You could drive me there and come back later."

"I am not letting you go anywhere by yourself."

"Then come with me!"

"You're just going to spend money… _my money_… on useless stuff."

"Well, if you go with me then you can supervise."

"No."

"Daniel!" He growled in frustration. "Oooh, careful Darling, wouldn't want you to get mad and blow your top off." She moved around to stand behind him and placed her hands on both of his shoulders. Without asking for permission, she began to rub them delightfully.

Daniel couldn't complain because he actually liked the feeling. He let his head drop forward. "Now see," Vala whispered close to his ear, "Isn't being relaxed nice?"

"I'm still not taking you to the mall."

Vala paused for a moment, then continued her kneading. "What if I promise to do something for you in return?"

"Like what," he muttered.

"Like this." She moved from massaging his shoulders to his neck. Daniel stifled a satisfied groan. He really was tense. No doubt it was her fault.

"Dammit." Vala took that as a sign of acquiescence and squealed.

"I'll go get my purse," she said excitedly.

Daniel sighed. Not only was he sighing because he had been swindled into taking her to the mall, but because she had stopped massaging him.

Four hours and four arm-fulls of bags later, they returned to the house. Vala's smile was bright as she dragged him, laden with shopping bags, through the front door. "You can put that stuff in my room, Darling."

He dumped the bags onto the floor, not unlike the way he had dropped her duffle bag there the day before. He groaned for what must have been the millionth time today. "You did this on purpose."

"Did what on purpose?" Vala pushed past him and started removing items from the bags.

"Made me tense up so you'd have a reason to give me a reason to take you to the mall."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Daniel." She continued to rummage through their purchases.

"Ugh, I'm taking a nap. I don't know how you do it." He rubbed his neck and stepped toward his room. "Four freaking hours," he mumbled. Like before, he fell face first onto the bed. He took in a deep breath, relaxing himself enough to fall asleep.

Before he knew it, he felt a weight on his bottom. Vala was straddling him. She raised up his shirt and poured something cold and liquidy onto his back. "Agh!" Daniel jumped up, throwing Vala onto the floor. His hand went immediately to the cold and wet spot on his back. "What are you doing?" When he looked at his hand, it was covered in oil.

From the floor, Vala looked up at him, amused. "I'm returning the favor. You took me to the mall in return for a massage. Remember?"

Daniel furrowed his brow and thought. He pointed at her menacingly, "You better not try anything."

She planted an innocent look on her face. "Try what?" Then she grinned. Daniel mumbled incoherently, not really sure what to say anymore. "Take this off," Vala said as she got up and tugged at his T-shirt. "It'll be easier."

He looked at her suspiciously and in warning, then complied. Vala smiled a little as she admired his very well-built muscles. Gently, she turned him back toward the bed and pushed him down so she could start the massage. As she spread the massage oil over him, her hands warmed it to a comfortable temperature.

"You're evil, you know that?"

"Only when I want something," she said as she began to knead his back.

"When do you not want something," he muttered.

"Hmm, good point." He could hear the smile in her voice. Vala moved methodically up and down his back with expert hands. He sighed a little, and she could tell he was trying not to enjoy it too much. This was Vala, after all. Little did he know that she was enjoying it as much as he was. Nearly a half-hour later, it seemed that Daniel was asleep.

Vala leaned in to whisper in his ear as her hands continued to work tirelessly. "Darling?"

"Hmm."

"Will you take me out to dinner tonight?"

"Okay," he answered, not comprehending what he was agreeing too. He thought she said something about having take-out for dinner again tonight. She giggled a little. Why the hell would she giggle about food? He felt her lean in again, but this time, she placed a light kiss on his cheek. After one last gentle rub down his back, she got up and left him in peace.

000

When Daniel woke up from his nap, it was dark out. He raised his head to look at the time. 8 PM. Oy, he thought. Who knows what trouble Vala would have stirred up without his supervision. He sat up, thankful he hadn't turned onto his back while sleeping and gotten oil all over the sheets. He felt surprisingly relaxed and rested. Daniel decided that her massage had been innocent enough and wanted to say thank you.

He found her in the bathroom, primping her hair. Still shirtless, he leaned on the doorframe. "Going somewhere?"

She turned and smiled. "On a date."

Daniel's eyes nearly bugged out. What, was this guy going to pick her up from _his_ house? She was wearing a low-cut black dress. He'd never seen it before, not that he'd notice what clothing she owns. It went down to her knees, showing just enough leg to be provocative. This woman, in his bathroom, was dressed to the nines, had just given him an incredible backrub, and was going to leave to go on a date. "Well don't bring him here afterwards. This isn't your house."

Genuinely surprised, Vala turned toward him. "What are you talking about? I'm going on a date with _you!_"

Now it was Daniel's turn to be surprised. "You are?"

"Yes, silly. Remember? You agreed to take me out to dinner."

"When?"

"A few hours ago. Right before you fell asleep."

"Right before I… Vala, you know that no one is coherent right before they go to sleep." He paused. "Oh. You did that on purpose. Again. I should have known."

"Yes, you should have." Vala exited the bathroom then proceeded to push Daniel in. "Now take a shower and get ready. Our reservation is at 9:30."

"What!?"

"Well, I wouldn't want you to show up at a fancy restaurant all covered in oil. It wouldn't be tasteful. Now hurry up!" The door shut, leaving Daniel staring bewildered at a solid piece of wood.

"Reservation? How the hell did I get myself into this situation?" he said quietly.

Minutes later he opened the bathroom door. Normally, he had no qualms about walking from the bathroom to his bedroom in nothing but a bath towel, but today was a different day. There was a predator in the house. He peeked out into the hallway. "Vala?"

"Yes?" he heard her call from the kitchen, which should be far enough away.

"Just checking," he said to himself. Daniel quickly scampered out into the hall, holding on to his towel with iron-grip.

"Oooh." He stopped. She was right behind him, wasn't she? "You're not going to the restaurant in that, are you? They might not let us in." He could hear the laughter in her voice.

Daniel dropped his head momentarily to his chest. "Well, you know," he said sarcastically without looking at her, "I didn't know what to wear." He heard Vala laugh as she moved away. Good, he thought, she didn't try anything. Maybe this night won't be so bad after all.

000

Mitchell put an affectionate arm around Carolyn's shoulders. The smile on his face was so bright that she simply had to comment. "What's got you so happy?"

He turned his face toward her as they continued to walk through the park. It was a cool evening, with a light breeze. "Jackson and Vala."

"Those two drive you nuts," she said matter-of-factly.

"Not today. I didn't see, hear, or think of them at all today. It was the most peaceful I've felt since… never."

Carolyn chuckled along with him and shook her head. "How do you think they're doing? You think they've killed each other by now?"

"One could only hope. If we don't hear from them by Monday, we'll call in the troops and investigate." Cameron led her down the path to the restaurant they were planning to eat at. It was a nice Chinese place on the other side of town. He liked it there and had been aching to get Carolyn over to try the food. The restaurant was rather large, with two floors.

They walked in casually and waited for the hostess to return. "Remember how you said we'd wait till Monday to check on Daniel and Vala?"

Mitchell didn't bother to clarify. He looked around the restaurant to find Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb sitting together at a booth in the corner. "Holy shit."

"Should we say hi?"

"Hell no. Reconnaissance mission starts now." Carolyn rolled her eyes. She didn't come on a date with Cameron to spy on their co-workers. But lo-and-behold he requests a table close, but not close enough to be noticed by the pair.

When they sat down, she huffed and leaned her chin on her hand. Nodding her head in slight exasperation she glanced toward Daniel and Vala. They were actually laughing. Now that was odd. Every other time she had seen them in the past few months, they were ready to ring each others' necks.

"You see that? I was right." Cameron was pointing discreetly toward the pair. "You can be my witness and tell your dad that it was a good idea to kick 'em out."

"I'm not getting in the middle of this," she said good-naturedly.

"Fine, but take this as proof that I'm a genius." Carolyn had the good sense to throw her napkin at him. She was hardly mad, though, his cooky grin and sense of humor were what made her agree to date him.

Dinner and drinks were served within fifteen minutes. The restaurant was filling up and getting busier. As they chowed down and commented on the good food, Carolyn stole another look at their friends in the corner. "Uh oh." She hid a smile behind her napkin, which Cam had graciously returned.

Mitchell turned to find Daniel's hands on Vala's shoulders. "Is he whispering in her ear?"

Carolyn giggled. "Uh huh."

"No no no no, he can't do that."

"Ha ha, I think she likes it."

"No, this is not supposed to happen."

"Oh look, they're getting up."

"Is that his hand on her…" Cameron's mouth dropped open. Carolyn burst out laughing. Daniel and Vala left the restaurant, leaning in very close to each other.

"What did you expect, Cam?"

"That they'd put each other out of their misery and leave me in peace."

"Think of it this way. Which is the lesser of two evils? Those two fighting or those two…"

"No, don't say it!"

"I was going to say 'getting along'." Carolyn grinned.

000

"Take this off. It'll be easier," he told her, echoing her words from earlier.

"That will leave me very much exposed, Dr. Jackson."

"I know. That's the point." Vala giggled as he eased her onto the bed and began to pour the massage oil on her back.

She sighed outwardly as his rough hands began to knead her back muscles. Just as she had done, he massaged her methodically, making sure not to miss a spot. The feel of her soft skin underneath him was giving him a familiar feeling. The kind he always got when Vala was too close.

He was getting warmer, so he paused to remove his shirt. _God, how did we get here?_ Daniel knew exactly what he was doing. And he knew exactly what was going to happen. _Oh right, Mitchell kicked us out of the base. I'll have to buy him a beer later._ He continued to relax her, no longer ashamed that the bulge in his pants was there because of this infuriating woman before him.

He began to imagine what he'd do next when his phone rang. _Oh, go away, whoever you are._ Daniel continued to rub her back and she groaned a little when he found a tense spot. He worked on it a little harder, but the damn phone was still ringing. "Darling, aren't you going to get that?"

"I don't really want to."

"But it's Cameron's ring tone. Maybe it's something important."

"Arghh." Vala chuckled as Daniel got up to find his cell phone in his jacket. He'd thrown it around here somewhere. When he answered it, Mitchell was indeed on the other line.

"Jackson! Stop what you're doing right now."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry I exiled you man. You can come back to the base now. Go right back to the way things were with Vala. Fight all you like."

Daniel glanced back at Vala and gulped. She had removed her panties and was beckoning him over with a seductive finger. "Gotta go, Cam. Bye."

000

Cameron was bewildered. Carolyn said between grins, "What did he say?"

"He hung up on me."

She laughed even harder. "I told you!"

He ran a hand down his face. "Your dad is going to kill me."

"Yup."

He turned toward her in exasperation. "But not because of Daniel and Vala." Cameron gulped. She had a naughty look in her eyes.

000

"Let's see," Daniel ticked off a list on his fingers, "The bed, the shower, the couch…"

"The coffee table, umm…"

They both said in unison, "The stairs." They grinned evilly.

Vala continued, "What's left?"

"Kitchen table," he said with finality.

As he led her toward their latest destination, she asked, "You think we could get away with this during work?"

He stopped short and turned around. "I'm not sure. We'd have to practice being quiet."

Vala laughed. "We'll never get away with it!"

Daniel laughed, too. He leaned in close. "Then we'll have to do it more here to make up for it."

"Grrrr." Later, Daniel realized he was going to need a new kitchen table. A sturdy one.

000

"Welcome back, Dr. Jackson. Vala," Landry greeted them in the elevator. "I trust you had a restful weekend."

"We did, General, thank you," Daniel replied warmly.

"You'll be happy to hear that we worked everything out. We shouldn't be causing a disturbance… as much… now."

Landry smiled congenially. "Glad to hear it. I knew you'd patch things up." The elevator doors opened, but he didn't exit immediately. "Have you seen Colonel Mitchell?" Daniel and Vala looked at each other, then shrugged. "Or my daughter?"

"No, sir."

"Hmpf," he murmured as he walked away.

"You think he knows they went out to dinner that night?" Daniel said.

"Well if he knows, it wasn't because I told him," Vala answered.

"They're really bad at being discreet and sneaky."

"Yeah, we could see them from a mile away."

"Cameron's a horrible spy."

"Carolyn didn't even try."

"Remind me to thank Cameron for allowing us to enjoy this wonderful weekend."

The elevator doors opened. Vala laughed, "Thank him yourself. There he is."

"Mitchell!" Daniel greeted happily.

"Oh god," the other man muttered. Hesitantly, Cameron joined them in the elevator.

Vala wrapped an arm around Mitchell's arm and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Thanks Mitchell for banning us from the SGC. It was an eye-opening experience. I saw Daniel in a way I've never been able to before."

Cameron's eyes bugged out.

"Yeah, thanks Mitchell. If it weren't for you, I never would have had…"

"No! Don't say it!" The elevator opened up and he ran out.

"…the chance to relax." Daniel and Vala laughed.

A/N: Had the idea and churned it out quick. Just a casual little adventure in "exile." Thanks for reading!


End file.
